I felt compelled to write for some reason.... perhaps i feel my sanity slipping again? my precious semblance of normality failing me? no, nothing so easy to fix alas. my heart is the issue right now, and im not talking about the premature ventricular contractions that the short used rx anxiety pills caused. I am talking about love. god damn it love.
love is fleeting, while we have it we are on top of the world, invincible... and when we lose it we go on the lowest of lows. never could there be a better high and a harder crash than love.... drugs dealers should be envious, as almost all of us are addicted. the problem is love can be hard to manage.... and we never find it, it finds us when we are not even looking for it. We can fall in and out of love in one day, or it can last a life time. but this can be said, all the anguish that the after effects cause, it was worth it even for the most fleeting of moments of mutual love.
but heh, what if the love is not mutual? then there is a sick mixture of pain from lack of return of feelings, and then a logic-less hope that the feeling will soon be returned. one sided love hurts so much sometimes....
And sometimes its hard to tell if you truely no longer love a person.... you think you do but you cant tell... some say if there is doubt the answer is automatically no, but i disagree... the doubt can be from oneself or out side factors and such.
In short, i fell for someone really hard, really fast. damn
I would like to spend time with this person, not for any serious reason, but just becuase they are awesome. also because i would like to rape him... but beyond that, he doesnt have to return my feelings or whatever, i just am happy to be near him. besides, when has it ever failed that at one point or another my guy friends fall for me? its really not failed that i can think of... but ha, i will have such a ego if im not careful.
in short, i want to see this person, i want this person to kiss me or to thumb wrestle me, either way i win yes?
